aka: Extremely-dropping the Ball
(initially streamed throughout the Covid pandemic)
Welcome to Thursday evening with Deconstructing Your self. Let’s start, as normal, with some samatha. Final week we did a complete hour of simply shamatha, respiration and enjoyable. Tonight, we are going to return to our regular set-up, after which do some enjoyable, fascinating stuff as soon as we get ourselves within the zone. So, first we’ll do some shamatha, simply respiration and enjoyable, and focusing. An enormous a part of samatha is having fun with it, and having fun with the pleasantness. You gained’t go to Buddhist hell for having fun with your meditation. It’s completely wonderful to have nice emotions within the physique, and have nice feelings once we’re doing shamatha.
Get in a pleasant posture. I would like you to really feel confidence on this meditation. This isn’t about getting it proper, not about some method that you must chew by 100 miles of damaged glass to get appropriate. That is one thing that’s price doing at each stage, proper or improper, good or dangerous, simply believe, have openness, a slight sense of playfulness. This isn’t the tip of the world, no less than not tonight whereas we’re meditating. So, let’s simply settle into the posture, and permit the physique to calm down and change into very nonetheless. One of many issues I’ve you do–usually we do the deep stomach respiration. This stills the physique and passifies the thoughts, and, in case you do it for 10-Quarter-hour, you’ll begin to really feel some nice buzzy, tingling within the physique, what we would name vitality. That’s nonetheless along with the stillness, only a nice, yummy, vivid vitality. Virtually like in case you took an superior sizzling bathe, and also you stepped out of the bathe and your entire physique is form of buzzing on the pores and skin. In case you do deep stomach respiration for 10-Quarter-hour, you’ll get that buzzing physique vitality, very nice, very enjoyable, and straightforward to concentrate on.
So, for now, we’re doing deep stomach respiration. Lengthy deep in-breath–to a stage that’s comfy for you–then an extended out-breath. Let’s try this for a short while.
Now that you’re respiration and enjoyable and settling in, I would like you to permit the muscle mass of the eyes to launch and calm down and let go, so the eyes change into fully relaxed and nonetheless. They is perhaps flickering round a bit, however you’re not wanting round inside your closed eyelids. They’re simply nonetheless, relaxed, no rigidity in any respect. You possibly can check for rigidity by attempting to open them. In case you can’t, it’s as a result of they’re so relaxed you would need to tense them as much as open them. So get them to the purpose the place you may’t open them with out tensing them again up. Then enable the cheek muscle mass, your lips, your mouth to calm down, and your decrease jaw to open simply sufficient in order that your higher and decrease tooth are usually not touching, and your chin is barely tucked. That opens the again of the neck in a really nice method. I would like you to really feel this relaxed stillness in your face. The entire face getting kinda melty, smooth and relaxed, the scalp releasing. Any of the muscle mass of the again of the pinnacle or ears, or anyplace within the mouth, fully launched, and the tongue floating within the mouth, as if it had been a lingual zeppelin.
Good. Now, let’s calm down the neck and throat and shoulders. Permitting that area to only launch and let go and change into smooth. The shoulders rolling again and opening up, and permitting the higher arms, elbows, forearms, fingers and fingers and thumbs to go limp, as if they’d been stung by Shelob of Lord of the Rings. They go as limp as a boned fish, and so they simply calm down and let go. No rigidity anyplace in arms or face, simply open and straightforward with a pleasing straightforward vitality, form of melting, opening, releasing, a form of smooth glow. Really feel your higher physique as if it had been a pat of melting butter. Persevering with to breathe and focus. Discover how the breath can co-mingle with this nice vitality within the physique, and change into absolutely confounded, confabulate collectively. The breath may be inflicting the intense, sparkly vitality within the physique, and this nice, relaxed, open vitality within the physique appears to be making the respiration occur. There’s this excellent symbiosis between these two elements.
Now, discover that the higher chest relaxes in entrance, on the perimeters, within the again. The entire chest area turns into very smooth, crammed with a pleasant pleasantness, a pleasant glow, a pleasant buttery glow within the coronary heart. Simply feeling your entire higher physique coming collectively, unifying, changing into one cohesive stunning, relaxed vitality.
Now, let’s embrace the decrease stomach, significantly the stomach, noticing how the deep respiration out and in is permitting the stomach to virtually give itself a therapeutic massage. The edges of the stomach area and the again and the decrease stomach, all of that changing into very relaxed, open, tremendous nice. Feeling some good, clean vitality all the best way from the underside of the torso to the highest of the pinnacle, each relaxed and open and energized and vivid. Additionally, slightly bit clear, not muddy, sleepy leisure, however vivid, clear leisure.
Now, the hips, your butt and thighs and knees, decrease legs, calves, shins, toes, and toes, all goes limp–completely relaxed, totally no rigidity there. Discover now that the entire physique is now one large glowing discipline of relaxed nice vitality, that the breath is each soothing and opening, enjoyable and massaging, and the vitality is shifting the breath and mixing with the breath in a pleasant method.
If that’s beginning to resonate for you, you’re beginning to get that sense of the breath, the vitality and the relaxed muscle mass collectively, simply let your thoughts dissolve into that. Let your entire consciousness dissolve into that, in order that it turns into the whole thing of your focus, not in a decent method, however in an entire method.
Now, in loads of the Buddhist texts, they’re very clear that area and consciousness are various things. However they usually say that if there’s something that consciousness is like–like a metaphor–it’s area. So, let’s drop into huge spacious consciousness, simply drop the whole lot, concentrating on nothing in any respect, and permitting–simply merely–the thoughts to relaxation in huge spacious consciousness. If that’s obtainable to you, simply go immediately there. One other method we are able to do one thing related–not precisely the identical–however very related, is the dropping the ball method, which is a form of ungrasping.
To “do” dropping the ball, anytime the thoughts grabs onto any object of consideration, simply let go of that. If the thoughts grips onto a sound, listening to the sound of that dachshund trotting down the hallway, with loads of pep in its step, you simply hear that click-click-click of its toenails, I’m simply going to let that go. If ideas are arising, one thing about my life, blah, blah, blah, I simply discover that the thoughts is getting fascinated about that, hanging onto that, I’m simply going to calm down, and let that go. If I’m actually used to meditating on physique sensation, or simply did a complete bunch of that, and my thoughts remains to be going to the physique, and hanging onto the physique, I’m going to, as a substitute, let go of that. So, we’re simply enjoyable and opening the thoughts, enjoyable and opening the thoughts.
I introduced up the dachshund as a result of that’s the canine that we’re metaphorically enjoying fetch with. Remembering my previous instance that there are canines that like to play fetch who go get the ball, run after it with nice vigor and zest. They usually come again, and dutifully and playfully drop the ball at your toes, as a result of they know that’s the way you choose it up and throw it once more. Now we are able to have this flowing free, open play. However there are some canines–and in my thoughts that canine is a dachshund–that get their mouth on the ball and don’t let go of it. They even deliver it again, however simply sit there with the ball clamped of their tooth, growling. And now, the sport is over. You possibly can’t play ball that method. So, what do we wish the dachshund to do? We would like it to drop the ball. Let go, launch. It’s loads of effort to hold onto that ball and growl, style the saliva of the tennis ball, or no matter. However you wish to simply metaphorically calm down the jaw, drop the ball, and wag your tail. Each time you choose up the ball, you simply drop it once more. If the thoughts picks up a ball, you simply drop it once more and wag your tail. Comfortable, you simply preserve dropping the ball. Truly, you’re the world’s worst canine at enjoying fetch, however you’re actually good at each time you choose it up, you simply let go of it once more. You might be straightforward, open, and joyful. So, let’s follow that.
Persevering with to let go of something that the thoughts grabs onto, I would like you to just remember to’re not getting aversion going. You’re not subtly pushing stuff away, or making it go away, or creating a form of irritation when the thoughts grabs onto issues. That’s simply constructing aversion–we’re not attempting to do this, not attempting to construct not liking. As an alternative, we’re simply opening the thoughts and letting go. Letting go just isn’t pushing away, it’s not disliking, it’s not attempting to scrape some crap off your boots with a disgusted look in your face. You’re merely enjoyable, and opening, just like the flower is simply blossoming, it’s completely, straightforward, enjoyable, opening, easy. And, regardless of the thoughts was holding onto simply drifts away of its personal accord.
So, you don’t wish to be constructing any aversion. We wish to have a form of holy indifference, or equanimity with no matter arises, after which we’re simply not grabbing onto it. So, there’s fairly a distinction between simply enjoyable and dropping that ball, and kicking the yucky ball away and getting mad and annoyed with it. If you’re doing that, simply drop that, that’s simply extra gripping. In case you’re attempting to determine, what does he imply?–simply drop all that. That is about simply dropping it, over and over. Something the thoughts is tightening round, the dropping is only a serene opening, a complete letting go. Letting go, letting go, letting go, letting go. Nonetheless awake, nonetheless conscious. Consciousness itself could be very vivid, very clear, very lucid and awake. Letting go of the whole lot. Dropping the mom fucking ball.
Good. In fact, you might be welcome to maintain doing that, it’s a beautiful follow. You are able to do it for the remainder of the meditation if you want, that’s completely wonderful. If you wish to preserve going, utilizing this open, huge, spacious thoughts that’s relaxed and alert, very broad, very awake, to do some exploration, then, comply with together with me right here. The factor I wish to work with right here is the sense of aid that happens once we drop that ball. As an alternative of merely dropping it and letting go, I would like you to really deliver slightly little bit of vipashyana readability to that second of letting go. So there’s a little little bit of effort, we’re doing slightly bit extra meditation on function. I would like you to note that second of dropping the ball, discover the second of opening the thoughts.
There’s a Zen textual content referred to as Opening the Fist of the Thoughts, they see that as an analogous metaphor, as simply enjoyable that fist. In that second of letting go, I would like you to note the aid that happens. That aid could be very small, however it’s noticeable. It’s not gigantic, not like a wave of huge leisure, pleasure coursing by the physique. It’s just a bit ahh, a tiny little nice letting go of one thing. Then, if the thoughts grasps onto one thing once more, then that rigidity is just a bit bit disagreeable, and the enjoyable, the letting go – ahh, is a aid, is slightly bit good to let go, to do the ungrasping. So, I would like you to–not generate or fabricate or fake or think about that niceness, that pleasantness, that aid of letting go–however enable consciousness itself to be clear, lucid and vivid sufficient to note a way of slightly little bit of ahh. You don’t need to take care of that anymore–not aversion–only a form of releasing and letting go. So, see in case you can really feel that nice aid within the ungrasping. You’ll have to look rigorously to see that, however, give it a shot.
Persevering with to only drop the ball, calm down the thoughts, however actually getting tremendous clear about that second of letting go, the second of enjoyable away from the item, and noticing the pleasantness, the delicate little frizzon or thrill of delight at letting go.
Good. Now we’re going to attempt one thing slightly totally different. As an alternative of letting go, or dropping the ball, or enjoyable the thoughts in the best way we’ve been doing, I would like you to permit consciousness to only discover that the item itself goes away. If we don’t cling on, the item will dissolve, vanish, it can change into dreamlike or wispy like fog, smoke, or a cleaning soap bubble of its personal accord. Even when we don’t let go, objects themselves reveal their vacancy and start to fade. And, as the item vanishes, the sense of having the ability to grasp it, to hold onto it can dissolve as effectively. Every time the item fades or dissolves or falls aside or quiets down after which vanishes, the greedy, the gripping vanishes too.
So, simply discover which you can not solely drop the ball, not solely calm down, open and let go, however the objects themselves are already doing that. If we don’t cling on and attempt to preserve them collectively, preserve them clear or strong with a form of rigidity within the thoughts, they simply dissolve of their very own accord. So, in a method, they drop themselves. Right here we’re going to let the ball drop itself, or, discover that the ball isn’t a ball, the ball is empty, dissolving, is just like the wind, is a dream. If that’s too bizarre, simply come again to noticing the aid of dropping the ball.
Discover that every time an object fades, a notion vanishes, dissolves, relaxes, lets go, reveals its vacancy, reveals its dream-like nature. Every time that occurs, there’s a related aid, an analogous letting go, form of an inside aahh, every time an object does this dance of opening, enjoyable, letting go, fading, dissolving, going away. That very same type of pleasantness is offered. So simply discover that.
Keep in mind to broaden this to things that initially you’re not even conscious that you’re holding onto, such because the sense of consciousness coming from a selected place within the physique, the physique sensations of that place; such because the sense of feeling the chair or cushion beneath you, or the psychological pictures of the room round you. All these items we let be there, these orienting fabrications. See in case you can discover that these are dissolving, unfabricating, deconstructing, fading, demonstrating their vacancy additionally. And, in the event that they open up like that, at first it’s a serious aid. They could come again, or it is perhaps slightly disorienting. If they arrive again, simply discover that they fade once more. Whether it is disorienting, discover that that sense of disorientation is a few thought, some emotion that can also be fading, dissolving, enjoyable, opening, demonstrating its vacancy. So, usher in a way of aid when it does.
Now, simply calm down and let go, deeper than you may have ever relaxed and let go earlier than. Enable consciousness to drop, drop, drop, deeper, deeper, an increasing number of expansive, extra letting go of the whole lot, letting go fully, falling backwards, down, down, down, letting go, opening, enjoyable, letting go. Any time something begins to come up, discover that it dissolves into vacancy. The bottom, the environment, the sense of the physique, the sense of a thoughts, the sense of the world, the sense of getting a historical past, of being an individual, of any response to expertise, the sense of meditating, the sense of doing something, of being something, noticing something in any respect–dissolves, fades and vanishes, time and again and over. Preserve going. Don’t relaxation, preserve permitting vacancy to disclose itself in any resting place. That is falling by area, nothing to impede the drop, and, on the similar time, nothing and no person dropping, and no area, and no route, and no time, and nothing that’s not fully empty in all instructions. Simply extremely ball drop. Let go, let go, drop the whole lot, in all places in each route, totally empty, vanishing, not even there.
Not resting even now, persevering with to launch, noticing the vacancy even within the sense of doing something, the sense of being anybody, the sense of noticing something in any respect. Consciousness itself–empty. Self and world–empty. Every thing is totally empty, providing no floor, no place to land, nobody falling, no refuge. Besides, after all, the huge aid of that a lot vacancy, that a lot letting go, ungrasping, great wave of nice aid. Virtually a tsunami of letting go, of aid.
And, now, permitting issues to start to solidify once more, materialize once more. Perhaps permitting some self and world to come up, permitting there to be orientation, route, area, floor, a spot to face, a spot to be. Imagining now, in your thoughts, the extremely stunning, celestial sound of a single bell ringing, as we finish the meditation. Enable your self to return again to your self, in a way. Fabricating sufficient to orient to the room round you. Feeling free to maneuver and stretch. Opening your eyes, shifting your head slightly bit, to orient to the room. Feeling your physique, gently shifting your fingers and toes, and on the brink of ask some questions.
One of many concepts we’re enjoying with right here is that there’s a gripping of the thoughts onto objects that has a sure rigidity or unpleasantness related to it. After we both let go of the item, both we aren’t greedy onto it, or we’re letting it go as an object–that means that we enable it to change into a non-object, we enable it to dissolve and vanish, which is one other form of ungrasping–we’re going to discover this aid. It’s a aid from dukkha, the ache of hanging onto that factor. So, as we let go or discover the vacancy, and calm down, it permits an actual sense of pleasantness to come up, which is the shortage of unpleasantness. The unpleasantness dissolves, then we’re noticing that that feels good.
It’s an fascinating conundrum as a result of we do wish to expertise the world as pretty, vivid, colourful, highly effective, fascinating, and on the similar time, there’s the sense that if we seize onto it in such a method that we make an actual, strong object out of it, that may have its personal unpleasantness related to it. That may be disagreeable. So there’s this in-between zone that’s stunning, the place we’re interacting with the world skillfully, powerfully, and on the similar time there’s a actual sense of it being a dream, and that at any second it may dissolve. At any second we are able to let go, open up, so we’re absolutely concerned within the divine play, the lila. We’re not backing out, or rejecting, or avoiding it, and likewise absolutely conscious that it’s a play, a dream, that may basically dissolve and open in that method. It’s a really stunning, highly effective method of understanding.
Michael:Any questions on this?
Questioner 1: Are you able to touch upon the seeming disconnect from the drop-the-ball state and having the ability to behave on the planet?
Michael: That’s what I’m commenting on. If we sit down, and are good and nonetheless, we are able to do that tremendous, final dropping of the ball–actually letting go in a really deep method. If, then again, we have to keep away from visitors and lower greens for dinner, as a result of we’re consuming at house, and we’re getting good at cooking, placing peanut butter on a rice cake, we don’t wish to break the rice cake. In case you’re misplaced in a dropping the ball place, your rice cake is perhaps in danger, so that you do wish to let it come collectively slightly bit. Not simply immediately discover the vanishing, however as a substitute, benefit from the play, benefit from the upwelling of the world, noticing its show, and the show of you with it, and moving into it, participating in a method.
So, there’s slightly little bit of non-dropping the ball, slightly little bit of coming collectively–and that’s wonderful, as a result of, when you perceive that, in a Matrix form of method, there isn’t a ball, it’s empty and vanishing anyway, which is what we had been doing on this meditation. Noticing which you can let go, or you may simply discover there’s nothing there to let go of within the first place. When you get good at that, then we are able to play with these in-between zones of engagement with the world and with the whole lot fascinating, highly effective, stunning, terrible, horrible, tragic factor of life, we are able to have interaction with it very absolutely, very fully, whereas nonetheless by no means fairly shopping for its object-ness. We’re all the time capable of dissolve into the dream at any second. That’s the place the interaction occurs, the place the vitality occurs. I do know that sounds slightly paradoxical, however it is just paradoxical if we are attempting to be absolutists. After we let issues have some grey zones, some in-between areas to play, it begins to make extra sense. It’s not simply dropping the ball vs. not dropping the ball, it’s extra about, are you able to discover that the ball is a dream to start with.
Questioner 2: Somebody is saying that the continual dropping the ball felt effortful.
Michael: Discover that that sense of it feeling effortful is empty. Discover that if you’re attempting, it’s merely that the behavior of grabbing again on is actually sticky. So, that’s the half to note the dream of, discover it’s dissolving, it’s emptying out, and is empty of itself. And, who’s it that seems like they’re attempting to start with? Go deeper, not into the, “boy, this feels effortful”, however deeper into “who’s it that feels there’s effort taking place anyway?”
Questioner 3: You talked about that consciousness and area are analogous modalities.
Michael: Truly, I didn’t say they had been analogous, I mentioned that area is a metaphor for consciousness.
Questioner 4: Typically after I’m dropping the ball, I ponder if I’m confabulating consciousness and huge spacious consciousness, or fabricating self.
Michael: Properly, don’t fabricate, if you’re. If you’re delicate sufficient to pay attention to that, simply let go of that. If you’re simply sitting there questioning, am I fabricating? Properly, that questioning is its personal additional fabrication that you’re hanging onto, so drop that questioning, or discover it’s dissolving, or let it go. So, if you’re noticing the fabrication, drop that. If, then again, it’s simply an mental query, that’s even a lot simpler to drop and let go of, as a result of we’re noticing its co-dependent arising, its building. Every thing is co-constructing.
So, you probably have a tripod, you solely need to knock out one leg–it may be any one of many three, however you solely need to knock out one leg, and the entire thing falls over. So, we calm down the hand, that’s a form of letting go; we discover the vacancy, that one other leg of the tripod. Truly, it’s a 5-legged tripod–there are different legs we are able to knock out–however you solely must knock out one among them to get this impact.
I observed throughout the meditation that I’m getting used to only speaking to this cellphone on this empty bunker, and on the similar time, I’m actually conscious of you guys on the market. Loads of you I do know personally, loads of you I’ve by no means met personally, however I’ve talked with you a bunch on the cellphone, or on the web, or by way of e mail, and so, I’m actually noticing a sense of affection and togetherness, and simply lacking you. Simply saying hello, I’m so glad you’re on the market.
So, earlier than we get too misplaced within the vacancy soup, and it feels like I’m spewing nonsense–despite the fact that I’m truly saying one thing that’s core Buddhist philosophy. Earlier than we get too misplaced in that, I simply wish to keep in mind to say, hey, you guys, I like you, I miss you, I can’t wait until we are able to get collectively once more and meditate. I’m going to do much more on-line stuff, as a result of that’s what we’re about, for the subsequent month no less than in California. So, that’s how we’re doing it. It looks as if you might be quiet tonight on the questions. Be at liberty to touch upon the video afterward, or ship me an e mail on the deconstructingyourself.com web site to inform me the way it’s going, how you want or dislike the meditations. See you guys subsequent week.
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