Okay, when you’ve not been right here earlier than, I’m Michael Taft. That is Deconstructing Your self. We’re going to deconstruct ourselves collectively. I’ll lead an hour-long sit. You’re welcome to participate in all of it, a part of it or none of it—you are able to do what I’m suggesting—or not. You get to determine how a lot you need to do. After that, I’ll give some kind of deeply, profoundly edifying speech that you just’ll actually be remembering for the remainder of your lives. After which we are going to supply a microphone across the group and see if in case you have any belongings you need to speak about, or stories you need to give, or if you wish to rise up and profess your manifesto simply written on Claude, you are able to do that. Then, on the very finish, we’ll do a few five-minute silent sit. Okay, in order that’s this system.
So let’s start with out additional ado. Usually, we begin out with some motion.
[guided movement]
From right here, we’re going to perform a little little bit of pranayama.
[guided pranayama]
Good. Now, from this place, if you wish to, you may be part of me in chanting a mantra.
[chanting]
Excellent. Now simply resting in that vitality once more. Simply permit your thoughts to crumble. Simply fall open into house, into awake, vast open, spacious readability, and awakeness. And in that place, simply really feel this vitality and your physique in easy presence. Easy pure presence. There’s actually no method right here. We’re simply resting exterior of engagement with thought in easy presence. If you wish to, you may have a kind of background consciousness of the breath wave rising and falling—it offers you one thing to do, if you wish to have one thing to do. However we’re not likely focusing exhausting on that. It’s not a breath meditation. We’re simply mildly conscious of the respiratory as we sit. Simple, relaxed, and open, resting exterior of partaking ideas. So ideas will be there, however you’re simply fully not listening to them. You’re feeling your physique. You’re awake to the room round you. You’re alive and current in a totally simple, pure method.
Good. Now proceed doing this, simply sitting in openness, feeling the breath wave coming and going. If you wish to perform a little bit extra superior model of the identical factor, maintain who’s conscious of the respiratory. Who’s it that’s meditating? Who’s it that’s sitting in pure openness? Similar follow however with extra of an inquiry emphasis.
Don’t get in a warfare together with your considering. Don’t battle to cease considering. We’re not attempting to do something in any respect to considering. It will get to do no matter it needs. Considering can occur by itself as a lot because it needs. We’re simply not partaking. Consideration just isn’t going in direction of considering. It’s being naturally current. It’s feeling the physique, feeling the respiratory, listening to the room, seeing the room, and so on. However it doesn’t should be some type of huge train or huge method. It’s simply being awake. Once more, if you would like a way more tough model of this, simply maintain looking for who’s awake to this meditation. Discover that awakeness, the supply of the awakeness.
Good. Now, if it’s accessible to you, discover the vitality behind the breath. The vitality that strikes the breath. This isn’t one thing we’re imagining or one thing we’re attempting to make occur. It’s simply there. If it’s there, and when you discover the vitality behind the breath, or the vitality that strikes the breath, deal with that rising and falling moderately than the breath itself rising and falling. You’ll really feel a motion of vitality up and down.
Very particular. Once more, we’re not visualizing. We’re not attempting to make something occur. You’re simply noticing that the breath is moved by a type of vitality. And so they’re comparable, however completely different sufficient which you can discover the vitality itself simply transferring up and down with the breath. On the in-breath it rushes downward; on the out-breath it rushes upward.
Attempt to not have a slim focus. Keep within the huge open house of consciousness itself. Simply noticing that this vitality strikes downward after which upward in this sort of huge sky. As soon as once more, we’re not visualizing. We’re not attempting to make something occur. We’re simply noticing it—if it’s noticeable. If it’s not, simply stick with the common respiratory. And if you wish to, you may ask your self, who’s or what’s noticing this vitality—and look.
Good. Once more, being cautious to not get all caught up in considering. Simply setting that apart, working with no matter degree is snug for you. If it’s accessible to you, we will now start to note what’s behind the vitality. What’s behind all that vitality or what’s inside it or round it? If we, very evenly, very gently and punctiliously, simply discover that vitality, you’ll discover that it’s nothing apart from huge house, boundless openness. Conscious. Simply merely, naturally current —noticing boundless awakeness inside, and boundless awakeness with out. And that there’s truly no separation in any respect between them. There’s no boundary between the boundlessnesses. It’s one vastness.
Good. Now resting as this eternal openness that’s awake, naturally awake. There’s nothing we’re doing to be boundless. There’s nothing we’re doing to be awake. That’s only a given. Enable the exercise of considering that’s been occurring within the background, and that we’ve all been fully un-engaged with. Discover this exercise as a type of vitality exercise. The thought is simply the hamster within the wheel, is simply type of spinning. Or, the thought goes, it hurries up, it slows down, it stops, it hurries up, it slows down, it stops. There’s simply exercise. We’re not involved with the content material.
You’ve understood the content material in all probability because you have been a toddler, so that you’ll in all probability nonetheless know what it’s. It’s not that you just in some way don’t know the content material, however we’re not likely partaking with that. We’re simply noticing this revving of the engine of thought that it naturally does—it’s simply doing its factor. And I would like you to note that as a type of analog to the breath. It’s completely different as a result of the breath may be very sinusoidal—it has this good rhythm, and the considering exercise could be a lot extra discontinuous—staccato and arrhythmic—however nonetheless it has these bursts of vitality, after which quiet, after which vitality, and quiet.
So, from this place of huge openness, pure presence, large wakefulness and readability, simply discover the type of babbling brook, the kind of energetic part of thought and let go of imagining that it’s occurring wherever specifically. We’re in boundlessness.
If you happen to maintain having this picture that it’s in your head, that’s okay. However discover that’s simply one other thought. It’s not likely occurring wherever. What’s the middle of a black gap proper there? There isn’t one. Usually, we’re type of tightly gripping onto the thought, attempting to pressure it to make sense, or seize a maintain of it, and take it in numerous instructions. Right here, we’re fully letting it’s free. And when you let it’s free like that, you’ll begin to discover that it’s truly
solely basically natural pure type of energetic expression.
After we’re not gripping onto it, the friction within the thoughts begins taking place to zero. And there’s simply type of this free stream of exercise, not bothering anyone or something. And anytime you discover your self grabbing on, or tightening up, or crystallizing, or in some way attempting to pin it down, simply let go. Come again to simply pure openness.
Good. And when you like that, be happy to simply dangle there, observing that, letting that freely flowing river of thought do its factor with none impedance, any gripping, any tightening, any controlling. It’s simply totally pure. However when you’d prefer to go slightly additional—this will get fairly difficult for some people—discover the vitality behind the considering. It’s the identical vitality that’s behind the respiratory. It’s simply prana. What’s transferring the ideas? We’re not imagining it. We’re not producing it. We’re simply noticing that there’s a delicate however highly effective pressure that’s permitting the ideas to maneuver. It’s like a wind, and the ideas are like crusing ships.
Discover after we’re experiencing this thought vitality with out impeding it, with out hanging on to it, with out attempting to think about it or management it, ideas grow to be like writing on water. They’re simply fully relaxed—they usually disappear. There’s nothing to hold onto, and nobody to hold on.
Who’s even attempting to meditate? Who’s meditating? Simply look—see if you could find that particular person. All you discover is huge spacious awakeness with no friction, no impedance, no constriction in any respect. It’s simply boundless awakeness. And now discover that this vitality behind the considering is nothing apart from house itself. openness, boundlessness, identical because the vitality behind respiratory. They’re the identical boundlessness, identical because the boundlessness with out, is simply quick openness which is expressing itself as ideas and respiratory and sights and sounds—and all the things else. There isn’t a separation in any respect. All of it arises collectively and all subsides collectively.
What’s it that’s conscious of all this? Look, discover it to seek out the factor that’s conscious. No matter you discover, what’s it that’s conscious of that? No matter you discover, what’s it that’s conscious of that? Finally, you’ll see that there isn’t a factor that’s conscious. There’s simply consciousness. And the concept there’s a factor that’s conscious is simply that—it’s simply an thought. And that’s only a motion of vitality that’s nothing apart from huge openness and awakeness. So similar to respiratory is an expression of awakeness, and ideas are an expression of awakeness, let’s do mantra once more as an expression of awakeness. This time we’ll take one of many bijas out and do the extra basic model of the identical mantra. It’s slightly shorter.
[chanting]
Okay. Very, very, very, very slowly and gently, let’s let go of the vanity that we’re meditating in any respect. And simply discover that as you shift gears, the one factor that basically shifts is your consideration. The vastness and the awakeness and the readability is at all times there. It doesn’t go away if you cease sitting nonetheless. It’s not some type of particular state that we’re speaking ourselves into. It’s at all times there. The particular state that we discuss ourselves into is named simply not meditating, simply strolling round, the place we’re gripping down on sure ideas and going into an absorption on them. It’s type of an unconscious absorption into our personal stream of storytelling. However this vastness, this awakeness, this vitality, this readability is what’s occurring repeatedly. It’s by no means not accessible.
Now, the mantra we have been doing, particularly the second model, that’s a very well-known goddess mantra from a textual content referred to as the Devi Mahatmya, the greatness of the goddess—generally referred to as the Chandipath. The story is, as ordinary, there’s a demon that’s wreaking all types of havoc. The gods are hapless and helpless, they usually can’t do something about it. So that they name on the goddess to do one thing about it. She manifests in a twister of fury referred to as Chamunda, often depicted as a girl with about 17 weapons on the again of a tiger. And he or she mainly kicks the ass of this demon. So we will use mantras like that—you may learn the entire textual content aloud as a follow. It’s thought of to be a protecting follow.
I can hear all of the haters going, “That’s a dualistic follow. What do we’d like safety from? That’s ridiculous.” In all probability I’m the one one considering that, however the haters. It’s fascinating, as a result of within the context of non-dual follow, there’s at all times one thing that we’d like safety from, and that’s our personal ignorance, our personal unconsciousness, our personal checked-out-ness. One other method of placing it’s, our distraction from that awake, clear, vivid, spaciousness, that’s at all times there—that’s what we actually are. So, after we do practices like that, you may really feel the extreme vitality, very sharp vitality, of these mantras. It’s very sharp—the “vicce” is a synonym for namaha, which suggests, I bow to. So, the seed syllable then I bow to Chamunda. However the thought is that each one that mantric vitality is dispelling the delusion, dispelling the ignorance, dispelling the unconsciousness, dispelling the distraction, dispelling the nonsense, the storytelling, and bringing us again to the central, pure—actually solely truth there’s—which is awake, vast openness.
Curiously, that textual content is the primary time the goddess Kali ever seems. She comes out of Chamundi as even the fiercer kind. and naturally, Kali makes her look in Vajrayana in addition to a central character. So it’s a strong textual content and actually fascinating. However the essential half is to do not forget that after we’re speaking about all this safety and all this vitality and all this sort of tremendous fierce highly effective taking over of those forces—the forces are the forces in our personal unconscious—simply delusion, distraction. Even our personal materials, that must be clarified, that must be let go of, that must be uplifted, that must be reworked, or, in a deeper sense, doesn’t want something, in any respect besides to acknowledge its personal awakeness.
And so we will do mantras like that and perceive that about them. They simply maintain pointing again to the awakeness. However past understanding it, you may even chant it like that, and also you’re simply listening to the place the listening comes from. What’s conscious of the mantra? So attempt it. Simply recite the mantra and attempt to discover what hears it. What recites it? What’s conscious of it in any respect? So that you simply look, and then you definitely’re doing the precise exercise, the mantra dispelling all of the nonsense, and simply trying immediately on the awakeness. In fact, you may’t see awakeness as a result of awakeness is what’s trying. However you may simply let go of the seer and the seen, and simply don’t have anything however the seeing. Let go of something however the awakeness. After which the mantra is basically doing what it says it’s doing. And if the goddess Chamundi will get in there and helps out slightly bit that’s okay too.
All proper. Let’s see when you guys have something you need to share, discuss, or ask about.
Q: Hello, Michael.
MT: Hello. Welcome again.
Q: Thanks. I actually felt a number of vitality developing in my physique, and one thing got here to me—the type of passive and energetic method of transferring for dwelling. And I used to be desirous about existentialism and Taoism. One appears to be extra permitting issues to occur and the opposite one appears to be extra the superman—you might have the ability. And I used to be considering that they don’t appear to be contradictory, however inside me, there’s something that’s shifting in between these two. And I used to be attempting to visualise it as like fog with completely different colours coexisting altogether and type of simply activating in the identical house. However it’s type of exhausting to know that vitality. It’s type of floating and observing. It’s like I’ve the attention, however I don’t know what to do with the vitality to really feel proper and really feel balanced in life.
MT: Yeah. So what we need to do right here is acknowledge that there’s no one who’s truly manipulating the vitality, that complete story that we’re telling ourselves that we will manipulate it, that we will get in there, we will do that or that—and all of that. All of that’s simply getting in the best way. If it’s doing something in any respect, it’s getting in the best way. It’s simply friction, as a result of what’s actually occurring is, the vitality is what’s transferring us, and the vitality is simply doing what it needs to do. And so, the extra that we will let go of the entire concept that I’m it, and I’m doing one thing with it—and all that. Simply fall open, and acknowledge that what’s been occurring all alongside, from earlier than the day you have been born, is that the vitality is simply pouring forth and doing what it’s doing.
That is the route. And after we begin to try this, you’d suppose you may flip into some type of amoral sofa potato, however as an alternative, what occurs is you get tremendously energetic. No person’s doing the Tao, however the Tao does all the things. It’s how all the things occurs. So, it’s simply infinite vitality. And so the extra that you just’re not caught up in a narrative of I’m the one doing it, the extra that as an alternative of being passive, it turns into tremendously energetic from the point of view of the vitality itself. I don’t know if that makes any sense, however simply maintain on the lookout for Who’s it that thinks they’re manipulating the vitality? And the extra you look, all the things you discover, simply ask your self, what’s conscious of that? You simply maintain asking. And it appears like an infinite regress. It appears like it is going to simply be a corridor of mirrors. , what’s conscious of that, and what’s conscious of that, and what’s conscious of that? However your mind learns ultimately. You, even for only a second, you’ll go, “Oh, oh.” and all of the mirrors aren’t there. After which they may all come again, however then they’ll fall down once more.
And also you acknowledge it’s not a corridor of mirrors. It’s simply awakeness in each route, with no heart to it and no agenda of manipulation and management. It’s similar to after we have been observing after we’re not constricting round ideas, it simply turns into this flowing river of thought vitality and thought exercise. Our entire expression of our being is like an vitality of simply free exercise. Does that make sense? Does that sound doable?
Q: Yeah. I used to be desirous about a sentence I examine true freedom is to be accountable to be who you’re. I suppose in case you are the supply of vitality then discover that root supply.
MT: I might simply say, understand you may by no means be something however that. How might you be one thing else? And so all of the attempting and struggling and making an attempt and all that—simply drop it. What’s left is what you actually are.
Q: Does it differ if you’re at a unique age?
MT: I don’t know. However nice query. I’ll simply say I don’t know. Thanks, although.
Q: Whenever you say I don’t know, properly, it is dependent upon your perception system, the place you’re coming from, what you aspire to—can go in two infinite instructions. Yeah, however I like your “I don’t know.” Two issues I actually actually loved—and thanks a lot, Michael. There was a second the place you requested us a query—and I can’t bear in mind the query, however I felt like I received it proper, in that second it felt like, oh, sure. It was noticing the infinite, the vastness. It was simply—yeah. I used to be feeling it, and it was in entrance of me. Sure. So it felt like a sure. Yeah. and it’s nonetheless there proper now. Yeah. Yeah. Completely. And then you definitely mentioned one thing else, and I so love that you just mentioned, there isn’t a finish to the vastnesses—that’s so liberating for me to listen to that. Not that I don’t really feel liberated, however it’s an invite. It’s an beautiful invitation to go even deeper into this vastness. The truth that you say vastnesses, I’m like, yeah, it’s actually natural for me to listen to that. So, thanks a lot. Sure.
MT: You’re so welcome. Is that this the primary time you’re at Alembic?
Q: Yeah.
MT: Welcome. Sure. Other people.
Q: Hello. That is additionally my first time right here.
MT: Welcome.
Q: Thanks. I’ve kind of a twofold share that I’m welcoming enter on. Not a lot questions. The final season of my life has been a number of motion, a number of change, going, going, going. And this expertise gave me a very nice invitation to let that sit and discover stillness. And I discovered that there was this fixed urge to maneuver my physique and discover one thing wanted an adjustment. And so I used to be actually grappling with this resistance to that, and letting that urge fall away, and likewise surrendering to my physique, like actually needing to lean this manner or stretch that method. In order that was simply one thing that was developing as a matrix for me to maneuver by means of mentally. After which the opposite factor, which additionally felt like a secondary kind of grid I used to be having to navigate, was a number of the steerage in through the meditation felt acquainted to me from previous practices, from previous lecturers that I’ve sat with. It saved developing as like an instruction guide from the previous, and I used to be eager to seize on to visualizations that I’ve completed previously. And it was so fascinating as a result of it was nearly my default mode community was inserting extra directions, extra visualizations. And once more, there was that grappling with going with it versus kind of resisting it or letting it fall away. And I don’t know if there’s actually a query in there, however I simply wished to kind of communicate on, and invite enter on that stress between going with it versus letting it dissolve. Yeah, it’s fascinating as a result of each of the issues, the embodied factor after which the visualization factor.
MT: Discover, I didn’t have any visualizations in any respect. It’s fascinating.
Q: However in each of these there was stress. What do I do? What do I do?
MT: And so that you in all probability know the place I’m going from there, which is simply, are you able to observe that stress and simply let it go, with out making any choice? No matter it thinks it’s deciding there’s is only a bunch of friction, and knotting up—literal stress, greedy, and constriction, and tightening. What if it doesn’t matter? Or, what if the factor that—as a result of I did a pair instances—ask what’s doing this proper now? What’s conscious of this proper now? Look, look. So what’s grappling? What’s it? Who’s it that’s grappling? Discover the grappler. Discover the choice wrestler, and spot that there’s nothing there besides vastness—it’s simply awake, vast openness.
It’s vast open, and that’s not like an abdication, as a result of one thing will change issues, it is going to go in a single route or one other. It doesn’t keep in some type of superposition. It’ll truly begin transferring a method or one other. However it’s fascinating to let go of being the controller, being the one who’s going to make this essential choice a method or one other. That’s what we’re aiming at—noticing the half noticing the decider, the controller, the constriction, the strain. All of that’s simply added friction, and it doesn’t do something besides make issues much less nice. Even when we’re in some type of choiceless determinism or one thing, the one alternative we’ve got is, what are we awake to? Are we misplaced in our story of what I have to determine? Which, by the best way, all of us get caught in—I’m not aiming that at you particularly, we’re all like that. Or, can we discover, simply let go of that fantasy—as a result of it’s a fantasy—and are available into what’s truly occurring. Only a query.
Q: Thanks.
MT: Yeah, thanks in your manifold report. Different stuff on the market?
Q: Hello. I used to be simply questioning, why it’s that the belongings you say are completely absurd. Final week you have been speaking about—I can’t even bear in mind, in all probability zooming out someplace at this time. You have been speaking about house and vitality—and it’s liberating to some, clearly it feels crucial, however it’s unusual to me that we don’t speak about it after we’re completed right here. We go and have a dialog there, in all probability we’ll speak about extra unusual issues, and so I used to be simply questioning even when I discuss to you afterwards, in all probability we’ll speak about Hawk or somebody, one thing like that. That is widespread, I feel, in all domains the place generally it’s like a standing factor, the place the people who find themselves finest at it don’t discuss concerning the factor. Just like the musician.
MT: I feel you must add, “deign” to speak about it.
Q: They don’t deign to speak about it, proper. Precisely. Possibly that’s what’s occurring right here. I feel I’ve examine llamas not speaking concerning the dharma or one thing. Yeah. I’m simply questioning whether or not there’s a cause for that. Possibly it’s additionally that speaking about it truly takes you away from doing the follow or different issues, just like the infinite vastness.
[inaudible comments from another speaker]
MT: I’m constructive you could find some people who will discuss to you about this. However, to take your query significantly, simply as I’m saying you understand, hey, after we’re completed meditating, the awakeness remains to be there. I might say, even when the content material of our dialog just isn’t about that, it’s nonetheless about that. When even after we’re speaking about my favourite matter, Magic the Gathering—not likely—however we we might nonetheless discover that these different issues are, I might
say, not solely truly there and current, however central. So, it may be an fascinating playfulness.
Q: I suppose it appears like a complicated follow to do what you simply mentioned.
MT: Tremendous superior. As a result of it’s simply so regular.
Q: Sure. And it could be good to have kind of an intermediate degree of simply speaking about.
MT: Yeah. I’m constructive you could find another weirdos to speak to on this sangha, for positive.
Q: Okay.
MT: Thanks for serving to me retrocausally tune the Huge Bang to make this all occur. [laughter] Significantly, let’s have about seven minutes of silent meditation collectively.
Okay, superb. Let’s finish that there. See you subsequent week. Come on again. Thanks everyone.
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